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Writing all da Words – Onicia Updates – July 2018

Onicia Muller Newsletter
Holy hotdog it is hot in Chicago — like Caribbean hot! This is the summer of adulting; I’m using a coaster and choosing water over soda. Well, I’m not really a sugary drink person, but I try to get at least one when I go to parties. 
Last month, I reunited with my friend Alicia Music in DC to attend IGNITE Caribbean’s 30 Under 30 award ceremony. Virginia is so beautiful. I love the hills and greenery. Between enjoying Five Guys, ice cream, and cherry danishes, I managed to squeeze in a salad or three. Told y’all this was the summer of adulting. It’s been about 10 (maybe 15) years since I’d been to America’s capital. Funny enough, I choose to pajamas that I’d purchased during me previous DC trip. Yuh gyal still got it!

Lately, I’ve been freaking out about how much I need/want to do before summer ends. I write thoughts I want to meditate on my whiteboard. Andrew Peterson inspired the quote “be kind to yourself.” When it feels like I’m not doing enough, I practice being thankful for what I’ve been able to accomplish and not beating myself up when it feels like world domination isn’t possible. As I wrap up this month’s newsletter, I’m reminded that I am not a do-nothing bum.  Enjoy the summer and remember to be kind to yourself! <3
That’s all I gotta say today. Got something I should see or someone I should collaborate with? Email me or shout at me on Twitter.

Upcoming Events

The Kates (Book Cellar) – August 25, 2018

Looking for stand-up comedian or storyteller with Caribbean sense of humor? Book me! bookings@oniciamuller.com

Published Writings

I‘m a special type of Millennial. I was born on a small Caribbean island in a time before the internet. Jen went to her computer. It was one of those funky desktops where the monitor’s back was a transparent, purple plastic. Using her moderate typing ability, she launched a program called MSN Messenger. Then she used a string of characters called an email address to log in and start a chat with our other cousin.

JBF: Gyms are pyramid schemes (The Daily Herald)
I might be skinny but should the zombie apocalypse happen; I deff don’t have the stamina to outrun them things. Also, my body heats up like my radiator is busted within sixty seconds of increasing my heart rate. When my roommate Rebecca announced she joined a gym, I was ready to sign up.

To understand my relationship with my hair, we have to go back about seven years when I did the big chop. My natural hair journey started partly because I finally succeeded at destroying my relaxed hair by using too much bleach and heat. Also, I wanted to prove to my cousin that hair length was “locked in our DNA”; black women either had length or they didn’t.

JBF: In Which I Get a Roommate (The Daily Herald)That chilly September night, my new roommate and I drove to a nearby Target to purchase some room essentials. I needed bedding, groceries, and toiletries. I was down for going Dutch on some home essentials. After all, we’d be living together for at least a year. It wouldn’t be fair to just rely on her to supply all the community properties.

Being a rebellious human can happen in major ways like starting a intersectional feminist digital media organization or “small” ways like saving the planet by reducing your plastic bag use. Having to pay for bags to carry everyday purchases is annoying and expensive. Here are four alternatives for plastic bags and four tips for remembering to use them.

In the Press

Onicia Muller Named Caribbean Changemaker (The Daily Herald)

The annual IGNITE Caribbean 30 Under 30 award is given to young persons exhibiting leadership in academia, volunteerism, and entrepreneurship in the Caribbean American community. Now in its third year, the 2018 class included 30 Caribbean nationals from Anguilla, the Dominican Republic, Guyana, Haiti, Jamaica, St. Croix, St. Lucia, St. Maarten, and Trinidad and Tobago.
St. Maarten-born writer and comedian, Onicia Muller, was named among the 30 changemakers for her cultural leadership. Muller started her writing career in 2011 and currently authors a weekly humor column in The Daily Herald’s Weekender. 

Fangirlin’

Here are cool things I found online!

Life of the Pahty!: The Coach (Shanna Shrum)
Alexandria from the Block (The Pretty Witty Podcast)
Pour One Out: Something About the Family (Devin Whitlock)
Being Caribbean America in the Workplace (Carry on Friends)
Huff Life: Day in The Life of a Comedian (Kelsie Huff)
Mariann Aalda Stand-Up Comedy @ Caroline’s, NYC
Messes (Belkis Clarke)
Chi-Town Comedy Chat: Brittany Meyer Personifies Strength With A Smile (Rebellious Magazine)

Do you make cool things? Let’s collaborate

Onicia Muller Newsletter
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Created on St. Maarten. Based in Chicago. Onicia Muller (@OniciaMuller) writes, says funny things, and enjoys hanging with creative minds. 
Support the arts by buying me ice cream or telling your Twitter homies.
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Caribbean Gyal Inna Chicago – Onicia Updates – June 2018

Oh-ni-ni! What’s my name?! Oh-ni-ni! What’s my name?!

Spring. Summer. Whatever you call this beautiful, but brief season is when the Chicago sun comes out to bless a bish is finally here. June is also Caribbean American Heritage Month. At the year’s midpoint, I am feeling myself. Why?

Firstly, my mommy is still alive and will be celebrating another birthday, God spare life. Actually, lots of awesome people celebrate their bday in June.

Secondly, we finally have a shooting date for Pre-Existing, a web series project I’ve been working on. Yup, don’t talk about it, be about it! My lovely friend, Lissette Hall hooked me up with David Audio. This web series anthology, which is set in a doctor’s waiting room, features stories by 14 Chicago screenwriters. My episode, which will be shot on June 15, is called Aluminum Coverage. I’m excited to reunite with Greg Callozzo (Oh Baby!) as well as collaborate with funny women in comedy Sandy Lee and Sonal Aggarwal.

Finally, later this month, I’ll be traveling to Washington, DC to reunite with my homie Alicia Music!!! I, along with 29 honorees, will receive IGNITE Caribbean‘s 30 Under 30 Caribbean American Emerging Leaders and Change Makers. I’m being recognized for my work as a certified dutty rasta head — I mean, “cultural influencer.” Press release and details to follow. Many thanks for Kerry-Ann (Carry On Friends) for encouraging me to apply.

Muy excitico! I know!!

That’s all I gotta say today. Got something I should see or someone I should collaborate with? Email me or shout at me on Twitter.

pre-exsisting script reading Onicia Muller
Workshopping my script “Aluminum Coverage” (March 2018). In photo (l-r): Greg Callozzo, Sandy Lee, Sonal Aggarwal, and Lissette Hall. Thank you for being talented artists and wonderful friends!! <3

Upcoming Events

Louder Than A Mom (Martyr’s, Chicago)
Storytelling
June 18, 2018IGNITE Caribbean 30 Under 30 (Washington, DC)
Award ceremony and presentation
June 22,2018

Published Writings

We invested in the string market. Rebecca handled the money bag and individual string sales. I doubled as security and fulfilled custom orders: giraffes, dogs, and hearts with initials inside. If you dreamed it, I weaved it.
Whether you think I look camera-ready is irrelevant. I am telling you I don’t want to be on camera, and you need to respect that.
JBF: Serious inquiries only! (The Daily Herald)Scammers are humans too. I don’t know Roberto’s life, but as a call center refugee, I empathized with his situation. That said, I still wouldn’t transfer them. Who do I look like? Princess Jasmine? Com’on now. Aladdin might have been cute, but he was still a street rat hustler.

She sounded like someone who likes to talk about it but never be about it. I pulled up close to drop some knowledge on her. This is for anyone who wants to do all the things but ends up doing none of the things.

A collection of satirical essays based on news stories from 2017. My piece, Juciero 101 is included in this publication by erica dreisbach and Tom Harrison.

Fangirlin’

Here are cool things I found online!

You Are Where You’re Supposed To Be (Iris Kirkland Newsletter)
My friend used to say, “you’re where you’re supposed to be.” I sucked my teeth the first time she said it, because some places I find myself in isn’t ideal. But what I didn’t know then and I am learning now, derailed plans are the experiences that helps us to grow.

Ada Cheng: From Renegade Professor to Storyteller  (Womanscape)
Ada Cheng spent most of her life being told where her place was. Growing up in Taiwan, society made sure she understood it was at home.

Depression Made Me Buy It (Breaking The Piggy Bank)
Whether you have clinical depression or not, we all struggle with times when spending money makes you feel better. However, that sort of thinking is not conducive to long-term money goals.

My Morning Routine (Benjamin Spall and Michael Xander)
What happens if you fail? “I don’t worry about it. Mornings are important because they set us up for the day, but if we’re too strict and regimented we take the fun out of them, and life can become pretty dull. As with most things in life, it’s balance that we should be constantly playing with and tweaking” – Michael Action Smith, CEO of Calm

The Predator and the Preacher’s Daughter
A good church girl falls in love with a preditor playa. It might seem like this story has been told too many times but I promise P&Ps Daughter will have you feeling all the emotions. Once again, Suprina weaved a story that was exciting, compelling, but most importantly taught me something about (non)romantic relationships.

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Creative Growth – Onicia Update – May 2018

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When I started this newsletter in January 2016, I used it to hold myself accountable. How can I call myself a writer if my words are never published? How do I call myself a performer if I never stand on a stage? How do I prove that I get ish done (am a successful project manager) if I don’t produce receipts? Most importantly, how do I stay motivated if I never revisit past accomplishments?
May marks one year of consistently publishing my Onicia Updates (thanks, LT in the City). This month’s letter features more published writings, cool creatives I fangirl for, and a few throwback portfolio items.
I’m not where I want to be, but I’m also not where I used to be.
That’s all I gotta say today. Got something I should see or someone I should collaborate with? Email me or shout at me on Twitter.

Upcoming Events

Here where you might find me socializing and performing.
Feminist Prom – Rebellious Magazine
May 19 at The Living Room
The Skewer – Cafe Mustache
June 6
Louder Than A Mom – Martyrs’ Live
June 18
I’m not currently on Facebook so tracking down event links will be a bit tricky. You should always be able to find details at oniciamuller.com/bookings or searching local events on most event sites.

Published Writings

The Skewer: Best of 2017 (The Skewer)
A collection of satirical essays based on news stories from 2017. My piece, Juciero 101 is included in this publication by erica dreisbach and Tom Harrison.

JBF: Broken Facial Recognition (The Daily Herald)
Sure, I also don’t recognize many people out of context. So I prepared my heart to forgive my spiritual sister, but then Roberto opened his mouth.

Planning for Financial Emotional Pitfalls (Breaking the Piggy Bank)
When I confessed to my mom about my financial burden, I explained that I thought I couldn’t even afford a soda. She said, “Everyone deserves candy. Breaking your budget for one candy bar is not a crime. Don’t feel guilty.”

JBF: Unwrapping the White Elephant (The Daily Herald)
At this point, people started revealing who brought what. My heart rate increased. Should I take one of mine? Hell naw! I didn’t want my dinky paper goods.

Fangirlin’

Here are cool things I found online!

Far From Hollywood (Jackie Jorgenson)
The actor’s struggle is real. It’s even more real when you don’t quite live in Hollywood. Jackie is hilarious and an inspiration.

You’re Going to Make Mistakes (Breaking The Piggy Bank)
This month I am one week away from payday. Time cannot move fast enough. I have been crawling toward the 16th because I had several hiccups in my wealth management.

Pizza Paul (Lable Me Other)
Brian and Rita are collaboration goals. Pizza Paul is disturbing, must-watch short film.

Tomi Lahren Is an Alternate Universe Version of Me (Devin Witlock/The Skewer)
Breathe in. Breathe out. Forgive yourself and do better. I wish I didn’t identify.
James gordon – poem

Greatest Poet Alive (James Gordon)
James is a wordsmith and talented actor. Check out his YouTube channel for super romantic poetic expressions.

Feminist Parenting: Poop Doula (Rebellious Magazine)
No poop lasts forever. Remember, Feminist Prom is May 19, 2018.

My Morning Routine (Benjamin Spall and Michael Xander)
Their newest book which covers how successful people start every day inspired.

Do you make cool things? Let’s collaborate!

Created on St. Maarten. Based in Chicago. Onicia Muller (@OniciaMuller) writes, says funny things, and enjoys hanging with creative minds. 
Support the arts by buying me ice cream or telling your Twitter homies.
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Chillin’ and Relaxin’ – Onicia Update – April 2018

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Yes, I’m alive. Just hanging around, enjoying my social media break, and waiting for spring. Um, should I say more? Nah, that’s all I gotta say today. Got something I should see or someone I should collaborate with? Email me or shout at me on Twitter.

Published Writings

6 Lessons Learned Adapting My Feature Script into a Radio Drama (La-Screenwriter)

Writing is not just sitting at your computer and typing. We develop stories and characters while doing everyday activities.

JBF: Mr. Sowell Ain’t Doing So Well – Part 1 (The Daily Herald)

Aw, look at God giving me the opportunity to bless someone’s grandpa.

JBF: Mr. Sowell’s Brand New Ride – Part 2 (The Daily Herald)

What kind of Charmin’-Ultra-struggle flirting was going on?

Fangirlin’

Here are cool things I found online!

Stop Hitting Snooze on Your Wake Up Call (Breaking the Piggy Bank)

The first step in a lot of recovery programs is to admit that you have a problem. I think the same concept can apply to admitting that we have trouble with our finances before being able to move forward.

Lock Up That Dick (iO Comedy Network/Standard Delivery)

Collette Gregory and the Standard Delivery team created this music video. This video is funny, but sexual assault isn’t! April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month.

Meet PHotographer Elizabeth McQuern (Voyage Chicago)

“The thing people tend to say most about my photography is that my subjects always look very relaxed, and you can see their true personality shining through, and that makes me very happy because that’s a big goal of mine.”

Just 18 Funny Tweets for College Students (SMOSH/Ashley Moon)

If you are about to go to or are currently in college, you have our deepest condolences. Gone is the schedule of a healthy, sane person. Welcome to cup noodles and all-nighters with sh*tty coffee and awful professors who don’t give a flying f*ck about anything except their next cigarette. Enjoy your two to 10 year stay and laugh your way through the collegiate pain with these tweets.

Chi-Town Comedy Chat: KT Speetzen Is One Hilarious Mother Clucker (Rebellious Magazine)

After spending any amount of time with KT Speetzen, you find yourself awash in enthusiasm. The award-winning former teacher-turned stand-up comedian – who fills the Chicago suburb of La Grange with laughter as the founder and host of The Mother Cluckers – has a knack for empowering all in her orbit.

The Pretty Witty Podcast: Brown-less

This week we discuss how Taylor Swift may have deaded the Deadpool series, California making moves to keep restaurant workers safe, Olivia de Haviland’s legal feud with Feud, and cis-hetero women and situational homophobia. Cheers!

Demystifying mental wellness in the Caribbean (Carry On Friends)

Shawna Marie Aarons-Cooke is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Psychotherapist who knows the stigma of mental wellness in the Caribbean Community.

Do you make cool things? Let’s collaborate

Previous Onicia Update
Previous Hey Onicia
Want to join my club of consensual stalkers? Subscribe!

Created on St. Maarten. Based in Chicago. Onicia Muller (@OniciaMuller) writes, says funny things, and enjoys hanging with creative minds. 
Support the arts by buying me ice cream or telling your Twitter homies.
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I am Woman, Hear Me Yawn! – Onicia Updates – March 2018

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Welcome to March! It’s Women’s History Month. If you’ve been following me on le social media, you know that I pretty much spend my twitter days hyping up women in entertainment. My wish for March is to find a moment to nap and attend Heaux Magazine’s 1-year anniversary party!

That’s all I gotta say today. Got something I should see or someone I should collaborate with? Email me or shout at me on Twitter.

Upcoming Events

Feminist Happy Hour (Beauty Bar)
Stand-up comedy
March 14, 2018

This One Woman (Hopleaf Bar)
Storytelling
March 26, 2018

A Lill Annoyance Stand-Up Show (The Annoyance)
Stand-up Comedy
March 31, 2018

Published Writings

JBF: No New Friends (The Daily Herald)
As with many of my quirks, past trauma formed my pet policy. Some people have daddy issues. Well, I developed doggy issues. My dog abandoned me when I was a teenager; how does one recover? By committing to no new pets.

Vanessa Baden Kelly: Millennials Leading the Mental Health Conversation (Rebellious Magazine)
Rebellious Magazine caught up with actress Vanessa Baden Kelly (Journee) for a quick chat about how “Giants” and Millennials are helping the conversation on mental health. IndieActvity also did a feature on Giants. Tweet

What to do When You Can’t Produce Your Feature Film (Hey Onicia)
After almost seven years of writing and coordinating with collaborators, I finally co-produced Sucker’s Garden a Caribbean a radio drama with my friend Kimberly Meyers. Here’s how we solved our film production problems.

JBF: Don’t Debate with Nazis (The Daily Herald)
My stomach was hollow. I searched the text for answers but didn’t find any. “Roberto!”, I called for the roommate to review the 10-page PDF, “Did I just read Nazi propaganda or is this a failed attempt at playing devil’s advocate?”

Fangirlin’

Here are cool things I found online. This month is all about the women folk!

The Haven by Mia McCullough
Mia is putting Chicago women ta werk! Episode 1 and 2 casts are  89%  women. So far the crew has been 83% female and 30% people of color. IndieActivity published a feature on this project.

Pretty Witty – episode 41
At 50:20 Ash and Jay shared a very thoughtful piece on the prison industrial complex. Tweet

Kellye Talks – S2E7: RC Riley
Raising a baby I had for my ex-girl and finding my voice in storytelling. I’m a fan of both Kellye and RC. I learned so many things about both women.

A Life Without Social Media by Iris Kirkland
When Iris said she was going off the grid, I had all kinds of thoughts. The most amazing thing I’ve experienced since she started that journey 1 year ago is how timely her newsletter has been for my life even though she’s not online.

.@YouTube in honor of #WomensHistoryMonth this March I am making weekly videos focusing on the women who have influenced me ➡️ https://t.co/SbQUn8Ys5L Wanna join the fun? Share your story #SheWhoMadeMe @womensmarch @WomenintheWorld @womensmarchchi @UN_Women @thekatescomedy pic.twitter.com/AHG9CQjdb6

— Kelsie Huff (@KelsieHuff) February 28, 2018

Breaking Rules by Ada Cheng
I’ve been looking forward to this solo show for several months. I’m finally going to see it with some friends. Say “hi” if you see me.

Funny Laugh Productions
I’m enjoying Jackie, Mary, and Hayley’s short film projects. Check out Headstrong for a quick laugh and tune in to their new web series Far From Hollywood. Tweet

I Got a Tax Refund, Now What? (Breaking The Piggy Bank)
Angelica’s posts have been encouraging me to get all of my financial life. As a freelancer/self-employed person, money is deff feast or famine. These tips were helpful for changing my mindset regarding large sums of cash.

Story Play Media 
Like Netflix but Caribbean content!!!! Caribbean TV Online showcases the best video content for Caribbean people and people around the world who love Caribbean culture.

Niama’s Adventures: Black Girls Are From the Future Presents by Renina Jarmon
Join Niama, a curious little girl full of magic and wonder. When Niama goes to sleep at night with her magic wand she time travels to different places far and near in her dreams. She visits Harlem, she swims with mermaids and even visits Queen Nefertiti in Egypt. When Niama time travels, she feels magical and free. Niama wants you to feel free too.

Do you make cool things? Let’s collaborate

Previous Onicia Update
Previous Hey Onicia
Want to join my club of consensual stalkers? Subscribe!

Created on St. Maarten. Based in Chicago. Onicia Muller (@OniciaMuller) writes, says funny things, and enjoys hanging with creative minds. 
Support the arts by buying me ice cream or telling your Twitter homies.
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Creating Art I Love – Onicia Updates – February 2018

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“You like me! You really like me!” Last month y’all made me feel like Sally Field at the Academy Awards. I asked to collaborate and y’all put me to work. I’ll keep this brief because this month’s update is super packed.
That’s all I gotta say today. Keep recommending people I should collaborate with! Email me or shout at me on Twitter.
Happy birthday to my baby. Tante Lilo loves you ????

Upcoming Events

A Lill Annoyance Stand-Up Show (The Annoyance)
Stand-up Comedy
February 17, 2018

Feminist Happy Hour (Beauty Bar)
Stand-up comedy
March 14, 2018

This One Woman (Hopleaf Bar)
Storytelling
March 26, 2018

Published Writings

Sucker’s Garden
It’s finally here! My Caribbean audio drama that I co-wote and co-produced with Kimberly Meyers. It features voice talent by D.A. Robin, Adrienne Brandyburg, Kyle Patrick, Ty Riggs, James Gordon, and Ramiro Lynch. We also got press mentions in Caribbean Times721NewsSMN-NewsRobin MultimediaIsland VibezSXM Talks, and Pretty Witty.
I kept one eye on the crew and noticed the cameraman was filming the audience. SCAM DETECTED! They were gonna repurpose Eddie’s laughs in case we weren’t amused by the host’s cheesy jokes. Juxtaposition is TV black magic! this show was D.O.A. Roberto, the contestant, was drier than a stale piece of sliced white bread.
Yes, we want kids. Yes, the baby fever is real. However, as a dark-skinned black woman, I get annoyed when people who I thought appreciated my physical beauty seem to envy our unborn kids for having features I don’t possess. My husband empathizes with my frustrations. As a biracial man, he has had both positive and negative experiences with colorism.

 
“I’m sorry, I can’t transfer you without a contact’s full name,” I said in my Caribbean dutty head trying to sound like an American professional voice.
“I’d like a supervisor,” he said with the authority of a man too lazy (or unskilled) to employ advanced LinkedIn stalking techniques. No name leaves you with no authority, BTW. Do better research!

Fangirlin’

You fan for me, I fan for you!

It’s been almost 6 months since Hurricane Irma destroy my island. Here’s how we’re progressing.
Life in The Bahamas is not all about riding dolphins and sipping pina coladas by the pristine beaches.
Episode 37 – Issa Interview: Onicia Muller edition is here! We have the distinct pleasure of having the hilarious extraordinaire @OniciaMuller on to talk about her experiences as a published writer and comedian in The Windy City. Check out her work at https://t.co/TIQyVEsKOH! pic.twitter.com/Kl7JmYhcsA
— Pretty Witty Podcast (@PrettyWittyPod) January 23, 2018
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We asked successful women in comedy what they love about their work as well as the challenges they face. Their stories shed light on the warmth, wit, and hilariousness that these women use to grow and reach their audiences. Thanks to Correy Bell, Adrienne Brandyburg, Erica Nicole Clark, Ashley Renee Clopton, Kellye Howard, Onicia Muller, and Mo Phillips-Spotts for sharing their journey. (click to retweet)

My Morning Routine: Onicia Muller
Writer and comedian Onicia Muller on giving her creative work her best energy, the perils of burning the candle at both ends, and on how sometimes setting the bar too high can throw off her morning.(click to retweet)

Daryl and Kelsie set up for their first open mic show in Chicago. What could possibly go wrong?
Writer/comedian Onicia Muller joins the show to talk about the highs and lows of comedy. We give our take on the Monique/Netflix beef (start at 15:20) and her request for us to boycott Netflix. We also discuss singer Amara La Negra’s Breakfast Club interview and colorism in the black community. (Click to share this episode on facebook)
Angelica filed for bankruptcy so we don’t have to.
Brandon and Deej invite St Maarten’s finest, Onicia Muller, to the parlor to talk the Golden Globes, Jamaican Seamstresses (skip to 50:30), and Stedman’s second life as Elite Singles escort.

A comics collection to benefit Planned Parenthood.

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Photo credit Laurie Fanelli
A ray of sunshine with a dark sense of humor, Onicia Muller knows how to weave a hilarious tale about the human condition with a thoughtfulness that demands deep consideration. The Chicago-based comedian/producer/writer traveled from the Caribbean island paradise of St. Maarten to our city by the lake to attend grad school at Northwestern while pursuing a practical education by performing live on stage. (click to retweet)
Two young women who find a lucky penny on the street, but realize no wish can bring them what they want; answers about their ever distancing friendship.
 
Do you make cool things? Let’s collaborate!
Previous Onicia Update
Previous Hey Onicia
Want to join my club of consensual stalkers? Subscribe!
Created on St. Maarten. Based in Chicago. Onicia Muller (@OniciaMuller) writes, says funny things, and enjoys hanging with creative minds. 
Support the arts by buying me ice cream or telling your Twitter homies.