News Onicia Updates

Got paid $1600 for 1 article 🤑 — Onicia Update

Although I’m published every week, it’s been a while since I linked to any published writings. No reason except laziness and I want to keep this newsletter focused on comedy and creative writing. Well, last week I got a Google Alert for an article I wrote last month.

Yo, Tribune Publishing paid me $1,600 for this article. For context, $1+/word is considered the holy grail for freelance writers. LOL, a heaux was ready to retire when that direct deposit hit.

Please click the link so Chicago Magazine feels like they got their money’s worth.

An Estate Sale Goddess Tells One Couple’s Love Story

Lynn Rousseau McDaniel staged an estate sale earlier this fall for the family of Claude A. and Etta Moten Barnett. Photography by Nolis Anderson (Tribune Publishing)
Lynn Rousseau McDaniel staged an estate sale earlier this fall for the family of Claude A. and Etta Moten Barnett. Photography by Nolis Anderson (Tribune Publishing)

Happy St Maarten Day!

St Maarten Day will forever be a happy-sad time since my Tante Violet passed away on November 11, 2020. (Aw, typing that made me cry. I really miss my people). Anyway, I wore my vintage 37 Square Miles T-shirt to feel less sad.

My friend Kareem says I sounded Irish in my SXM Day greeting. LOL. I was going for Jamaican light. What y’all think?

Profesisonal Black woman, Onicia Muller riding a horse while wearing a 37 square mile T-shirt
Professional Black woman, Onicia Muller, riding a horse while wearing a 37 square mile T-shirt

NEW Funny Greeting Cards!

According to my time tracker, I spent about 27 hours between October 25 and November 12 producing this new collection of cards. Yo, my skills are really leveling up.

Use code [REDACTED. Join the email list for code] for 50% until December 31, 2021. This is only for newsletter subscribers. I will not be sharing this code on social media.

Watch me write, design, and upload the cards to my storefront. Subscribe to my YouTube Channel for more live-streamed behind-the-scenes content around my creative process.

News Onicia Updates

Private Dancer – Onicia Update

I’m a private writer,
I write words for money,
I’ll do what you want me to do,
I’m your private writer,
I write words for money,
And any old topic will do.

Should you take a gap year? Here’s what experts say (
The COVID-19 pandemic has caused many to rethink their long-term plans, like committing to multiyear college programs — especially since forced virtual learning has not led to an overall reduction in the cost of schooling. Instead of enrolling as normal, some students and parents are researching gap year options. […]

Everything you need to know about lipstick and lip gloss (ASE Beauty)
There’s lip balms on the days when we want to keep it simple, gloss when we want the rest of our makeup to steal the show, and lipstick when we’re trying to make a statement. But besides the look and feel, what’s the real difference between our favorite lip products?[…]

So long fur babies, plants are taking over (Curls, Kinks, Culture)
Did you know that seven in ten Millennials consider themselves “plant parents”? That fact is according to new research quoted by the New York Post. To prevent the spread of COVID-19, many went into self-isolation. The extended period at home caused some to really take in their surroundings. Some Millennials found that their homes were not as cozy as they wanted to be. So, they’ve taken to becoming plant parents.[…] 

Vanessa Baden Kelly of ‘Giants’ on Millennials Leading the Mental Health Conversation (Rebellious Magazine)
Grab your roommate. Grab your lover. Grab your therapist ‘cause James Bland’s “Giants” is back on Issa Rae’s YouTube channel! Rebellious Magazine caught up with actress Vanessa Baden Kelly (Journee) for a quick chat about how “Giants” and Millennials are helping the conversation on mental health.[…]

Just Being Funny: Binging cocaine like McDonald’s
My coworker with a coke problem—look, if you like the booger sugar, you might catch these jokes, but not judgement. Anyway, my coworker with a coke problem was like “Hey, Onicia. I’m going to visit your island and I kinda, you know, [snort] I kind wanna party a little bit. Hook me up with the […]

Just Being Funny: Strangled by my panties
Ever notice that people aren’t what they appear to be? Teachers are dungeon masters, fitness instructors are murderers, and politicians—well, we been knew they are liars and thieves. Me? Well, teenage me wasn’t what she appeared to be. To my peers, I was a grungy girl who wore unironed, oversized clothing that made them question […]

Want to own an original Onicia Greetings? Buy a greeting card from my online store. Cards not your thing? Consider sending me ice cream money. Full disclosure: sometimes I buy cookies instead of ice cream.

Lastly, I want to thank the GOOD web developer erica dreisbach for creating my new WordPress website. Holla at her. 

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