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Comedy Stand-up Comedy

The Goddess Wears a Sexy Purple Thong [VIDEO]

For some reason, I thought my thong was gonna slide out my jeans and everyone would know that the goddess was wearing big underwear.

So, another year in high school, my school paid for us to go to a youth leadership summit. My I buy this purple thong and bra set. Because I’d been traumatized by the sexy blue underwear incident, I decided to go a size up because obviously that’s what you need to do in life. And you can’t try on thongs in the store. I get back home and I put it on and it’s like: Oh, dear. It’s not like swimming, but it just feels like I can’t feel the string in my butt. 

It’s so illogical but I had visions of the thong magically slinking to the floor. You know how you can remove your bra and it comes out on one side? Well, for some reason, I kept having this thought like I’m gonna be walking and then this thong is gonna slide out my jeans and everyone is gonna know that the goddess is wearing big underwear. 

Instead, I put it on and I walk around with my butt clenched. I mean, obviously I’m wearing jeans and there no way for your underwear to fall out, but I’m just walking with my butt clenched the whole day. 

I get home and I’m just place the purple thong on the self. 

Now I’m at peace with whatever is going around here. And I stick to black boxer briefs because you don’t have to think whether it’s matching. It’s the same cut and there are no surprises.sister was in college so now we get to spend our parents money without them knowing what we’re actually buying. We go to the mall and she asks, “are you a goddess?” I said, “Yes, I’m a goddess!” Then she was like, “Do you want a thong?” I said, “I don’t own a thong!” So she was like today is the day.